ON TURNING 70:
"You still chase women, but only downhill".

ON TURNING 80:
"That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90:
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100:
"I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING:
"I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR:
"Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."

ON GOLF:
"Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS:
"I have performed for 12 presidents, and entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER:
"When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'."

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL:
"I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY:
"Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS:
"That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES:
"I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

ON GOING TO HEAVEN:
"I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."