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We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all
kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing
down below.
As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is
inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the
Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the
office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff
but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop
until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the
smell has left your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing.
Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the
bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.
People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall.
This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment.
If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in
the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen,
do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water.
This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALKOF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk
up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks
in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.
Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an
Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under
his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer
before entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off
without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of
The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the
door open. This is one of the most shocking andvulnerable moments that
can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until
the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a
stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential
Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are
occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you
hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.

WATERMELON
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an
embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion.
See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELETTE
A case of diarrhea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often
accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths
of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult
to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom
is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
__________________

Gee I'm glad I'm female.

haha!! lol

I work from home atm

Originally Posted by Tassie Devil

Gee I'm glad I'm female.

What are you saying Tassie, girls don't ever have to take a crap? LOL